I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
