Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
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So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
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We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
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