Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
