youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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