New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
