Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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