I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I love having hate sex.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
