And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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