No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
