Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Randomize
