I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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