I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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