I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
