Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I stole a fireplace last night.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
