No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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