a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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