bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
OPIZZABONMYDICK
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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