apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
