wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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