There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
