As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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