my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
