I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Randomize
