i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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