Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
