I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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