fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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