I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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