the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
