UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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