I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
