i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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