So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I want a musical about memes.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
