ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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