I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
