I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
