my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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