can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
