you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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