you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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