hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
