normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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