the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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