hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
