I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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