omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
