College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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