cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
