Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
