Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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