All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Of course I have a pirate flag
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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