look no pants
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
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