They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
