I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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