I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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