This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
