I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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