Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
