apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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