maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Why is there bacon in the couch?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
