She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
