I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
