Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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