He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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