ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
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