So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Randomize