So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I forgot how hot balto sounded
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'm like, not good at living.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
