I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
