Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
