I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
