You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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