I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
