Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
