She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
