she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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