You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
