Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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