sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
