the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
