I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
