just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
